What is it?
Dysfunctional is understood as a disruption in the functioning of something or in the function it should have. Therefore, when we talk about a dysfunctional family and its synonyms, we are pointing out attitudes that should not take place within a family environment.
A dysfunctional family is one that is incapable of providing what is necessary for children to grow up healthy (both physically and emotionally) and happy.
Dysfunctional means there is a disruption in the functioning or the role it should have. When this term applies to a family, it speaks precisely of the same: a family that does not fulfill the functions it should, a dysfunctional family.
What are the symptoms?
- Difficulty having fun. They struggle to relax due to hypervigilance to “feel safe.” They are very controlling of everything around them, including entertainment activities.
- Difficulties with intimate relationships. Due to the roles they were forced to play in their family of origin, they continue these roles into adulthood without knowing who they really are. They fear getting close to others due to fear of abandonment or because they believe they won’t be loved as they are.
Seeking approval and validation from others.
- Either super responsible (unable to relax and have fun) or very irresponsible (unable to take on practically any responsibility, overwhelming them), and sometimes both (adults who, for example, are very rigid and strict at work and then reckless and wild in their personal relationships).
They become hypervigilant in response to their chaotic environment, believing that their actions determine others’ behaviors. Some individuals have an exaggerated sense of self, feeling responsible for what happens around them. Others give up responsibility because they believe “nothing I do is enough.” They often develop one of the following patterns in early childhood trying to gain self-esteem from the outside world: seeking applause instead of love (achievement), sometimes giving up and distancing themselves, getting sick, starting their own patterns of substance abuse or self-abandonment (a low profile in everything they do). - Impulsive behavior. They tend to take actions without seriously considering possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-hatred, and loss of control over their environment.
- They live in a black and white world. The rigidity and black/white thinking were learned in their families of origin. These families use terms like “always/never,” “good/bad,” “easy/difficult,” and they are inflexible. For the same reason, the roles assigned in families are rigid and do not allow their members to change.
- Compulsive behaviors and addictions. Trauma hides pain and anger of which they are unaware, leading to compulsive behaviors and becoming addicted to gaming, sex, shopping, food, sports, as a way to momentarily relieve the feeling of being “defective.”
- They suffer from denial until they start therapy and become aware. In their families of origin, they deny that there are problems, abuse, or mistreatment among family members, that there is a lot of pain that they dare not feel, and that no one talks about. Denial protects its members from pain but also maintains dysfunction.
- Repetitive relationship patterns in their adult lives. Beliefs and internal filters lead them to choose partners and friends who replicate childhood interactions with parents. Often, they find themselves recreating painful experiences from their childhood. Why? Because there they feel in their “comfort zone,” they are attracted to what is familiar and what they know. Those who do not start therapy end up choosing partners who are projections of their father/mother for a “happy ending” to that story they experienced in childhood and that did not end well. It is called the repetition-compulsion.
Consequences
- There are immediate effects of living in a dysfunctional family. Many of the consequences of these environments end up wreaking havoc on the personality and adult life of the children who have lived in this environment.
- – Social isolation: Dysfunctional families have consequences on relationships within and outside the family environment. In both childhood and adulthood, the person may suffer from emotional deficiencies leading to social isolation caused by trauma or personality disorders.
- – Development of behavioral disorders: In many cases, living in an environment full of toxic attitudes can lead to the development of a behavioral disorder. This is due to the constant stress and negativity that can be experienced within a dysfunctional or disorganized family.
- – Excessive self-criticism: Dysfunctional families can have a very critical attitude towards their children. This causes children to develop a very critical internal dialogue towards themselves.
- – Low self-esteem: Living in a dysfunctional family is synonymous with eventually suffering from low self-esteem due to criticism, excessive control, or problems related to this environment.
- – Anxiety and depression: In dysfunctional families, excess stress and negativity can wreak havoc on the mental health of each of its members. Therefore, it is very likely that it will eventually lead to anxiety and depression.
- – Difficulty expressing thoughts and feelings: In many cases, being in a dysfunctional family has consequences on how you relate to others. Having not fostered a positive attitude towards communication, many people end up having problems expressing
What is the key to being a functional family?
Role of Parents
They should neither try to be “buddies” with their children nor rigid dictators but rather guides and role models.
Respecting Children’s Developmental Stage
It is important to understand what fears or concerns are normal for each age and give children the opportunity and time necessary to face them on their own.
Family Relational Dynamics
Relationships among family members should be based on respect, equal treatment, tolerance, and an open and assertive communication style, allowing feelings and opinions to be expressed positively and negatively in an appropriate manner while respecting others.
Shared Parenting Style
It is crucial that the parenting guidelines provided by parents are consistent between them, avoiding the “good cop, bad cop” style, where one parent is permissive and fun while the other is strict and enforces obligations (as children associate one parent with fun and the other with duty, developing feelings in line with each role, which are obviously favorable for the one playing the role of fun).
Siblings’ Relationships Based on Equality and Companionship
Allow time to nurture the couple’s love
Although parenthood takes up almost all of the spouses’ free time, it is essential not to neglect the couple’s relationship. Having a moment each day to enjoy time alone, engaging in pleasant couple activities (at least once a month), and, in general, all the things usually recommended to maintain a healthy and positive relationship (administration of reinforcements, fluent and assertive communication, mutual respect, etc.).
Individuality of Family Members
While it is true that a functional family is one that stays united (especially in difficult times), it is also true that each person needs time and space to be alone with themselves.
Treatment
Our therapeutic approach combines various therapy techniques, individual and group sessions, in a calm and pleasant environment conducive to recovery. We address mental, physical, and spiritual aspects that help each individual achieve well-being and emotional balance.
We offer a comprehensive admission process that includes a primary assessment of the patient’s condition and needs. Throughout the process, we ensure that all measures are considered and taken into account to provide the highest level of service, as well as the utmost kindness and understanding for each patient and family member.
